If we can still smell the aroma of a frozen blueberry, Jesus can certainly melt a frozen heart and reveal the good, even in the most sinful among us…
As strange as this may sound, it was a thought that came over me one morning as I stood over my blender, an open bag of frozen blueberries in hand, ready to pour them into my smoothie. I was caught pleasantly by surprise as I caught a whiff of blueberry goodness! I stood there savoring the scent, when the statement written above entered my mind. God certainly uses the most ordinary of moments to speak into our lives; I find the humor but also enjoy knowing God is truly in everything, at all times…
The irony in the statement is that over the past 5 months, God was doing a mighty work in me. Trials don’t normally phase me but the one I just walked through nearly knocked me down, partially because it was so unexpected. However, I can jubilantly say that another layer of the onion skin was peeled, as I FINALLY and completely laid my trust in God (and was rewarded – amen), in a HUGE area of my life. However, I had to work through sin in order to reach this place.
There have been several areas in my life where I had some deep-rooted fear (which is a sin, reference 2 Tim 1:7); the kind of fear that is so ingrained in your DNA you do not recognize it as fear, rather as a part of your decision-making process. Or, something has had a grip on you for so long, you just ignore it and let it be. Neither are healthy, nor do they produce fruit at the end of the day. Those things which I faced were at opposite ends of the spectrum of my life, or so I thought. One thing is for certain…these particular fears (which are a spiritual issue) have been preventing me from reaching my full potential.
A fear of poverty and some left-over fear of rejection, co-mingled…plaguing me. They have played me like a fiddle for a long, long time. The former provoked the latter; thus adding salt to the wound whenever I felt ready to move in the direction, I knew I was supposed to, in order to fulfill the plan God had (for my life) when he created me (Psalm 139). I’ve known the path in my heart since childhood; it was prophesied over me in high school. But due to some circumstances in my life, where the enemy was able to insert his hand…I fell short. (I am NOT giving him the glory because he has lost; I had to accept both my part in the sin and MY victory in Christ in order to receive the reward.)
It has taken many years for me to be victorious in this particular area of my life. It wasn’t until this very moment that I was able to see how they were connected and playing off of one another! (Thanks, Holy Spirit!) I honestly think that sometimes it takes being so sick and tired of ourselves…after we finally realize WE are holding ourselves back out of fear…we just succumb to God from exhaustion. It IS exhausting too…constantly fighting a battle…why do we continue when it has already been won – ON THE CROSS by Jesus Christ! My trepidation was trusting that God would take care of me (provision) if I took a true leap of faith, laid down old (incorrect) decision-making patterns and fully relied on Him.
It took me growing weary of always feeling I HAD to sacrifice what I was supposed, and wanted, to be doing with my life (in order to pay the bills), to where I couldn’t fathom continuing down that path of spiritual sabotage for another moment. One day, I had a choice to make and I literally proclaimed out loud: I am finished accepting jobs outside the perimeter of this path, because I feel I have no choice: I DO have a choice and I choose to be confident in God. I KNOW God has a life planned for me; he has shown it to me over and over, but I kept refusing to accept it. Why? Because I bought into all the lies that were spoken over me: by the enemy, through other people, circumstance, or the thoughts in my head. I rarely lack self-confidence but this particular area of my life was so deeply rooted in fear, that I couldn’t move ahead in faith.
It took God allowing me to pass through yet another hard season, after bearing the good fruit for a while (remember that copy writing/editing job I loved, and how abruptly it went away?), that made me finally get it through my head and into my spirit: The time is now or never, and never is not an option! This may be my last season to produce good fruit; God gave me a divine appointment and instead of staying in alignment I’ve strayed, and strayed, and strayed! I’m DONE straying…instead, I’m steadfastly overcoming!
From here on out, I will no longer accept the skins of the grape when Jesus has handed me the wine!
Thank you, Lord Jesus for continually thrusting me into unknown territory and doing a great work within, while I’m wading through the current. I am so grateful to be swimming in your waters of refreshment and renewal…as you’re pouring over me: mind, body and spirit. You are so amazing and I am not worthy of your grace and mercy, however, welcome and desire it. Thank you Abba Father for giving us such an awesome friend and spiritual leader as your Son! In His holy name, I thank you…amen!
I Surrender -Hillsong Live (one of my favorite praise and worship songs – Enjoy!)
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If you would like to repent of these same things in your life and break the chains of bondage created by them, click here.