I am singing of grace and justice;
I am singing to you, Adonai.
2 I will follow the path of integrity;
when will you come to me?
I will run my life with a sincere heart
inside my own house.
3 I will not allow before my eyes
any shameful thing.
I hate those who act crookedly;
what they do does not attract me.
4 Deviousness will depart from me;
I will not tolerate evil.
5 If someone slanders another in secret,
I will cut him off.
Haughty eyes and proud hearts
I cannot abide.
6 I look to the faithful of the land,
so that they can be my companions;
those who live lives of integrity
can be servants of mine.
7 No deceitful person can live in my house;
no liar can be my advisor.
8 Every morning I will destroy
all the wicked of the land,
cutting off all evildoers
from the city of Adonai.
The morning began in Psalm 100, as so many Bible apps likely offered this up seeing it is the Psalm of Thanksgiving. It’s a beautiful lyric praising the LORD. Today is the U.S.A. Thanksgiving holiday, one where as a country we are reminded to be thankful for our forefathers and thankful for our neighbors and thankful for a feast set before us on the table…well, at least those fortunate enough to be so blessed.
Thankful through all things
This marks the second Thanksgiving that my sister has been incarcerated. She called our mother and I separately today, in the early afternoon. Mom gave me a quick moments notice of my sister’s state of mind, right before she rang my mobile. I truly cannot imagine what it must feel like to be in jail during a holiday, and not even having the option to see your family, as is the case at her detention center. She was emotional. She was projecting feelings she most likely didn’t understand about her situation, onto one of the jailers who doesn’t treat them well and doesn’t allow their needs to be met. I half expected this sort of call today due to it being a holiday. I also know if it wasn’t this issue giving her cause to be distraught, something else bothering her would have been the blame. Just not her choices.
I shot up a quick prayer before opening my mouth to speak and got her calmed down, but it was short-lived. I reassured her we’d come to see her Saturday, which is her scheduled visitation day. Time was up and the line went dead before we could say good-bye…
Truth be told, I don’t always have the emotional energy to give her after all this time. I keep praying that the LORD will restore her mind, he will allow the new creation to come forth, but I’m not seeing it. What this tells me is that she is resisting Him. She is not relenting her self to the tapping on the shoulder I know has occurred; and if she doesn’t want to change, God won’t force her to. Still, I’m eternally thankful that He chose to keep her alive, even if this life does stress her out.
Being drained of anything to give today, after that call I prayed for her to be covered in the peace and comfort of the Lord and for her to let go of the struggle over being incarcerated. Then, I went to lay down and try to sneak in a nap before meeting my mom for dinner. I felt led to return to Psalm 100 and then backtracked to Psalm 99. Lingering in both psalms a couple of times I found both comfort and some irony in them, then proceeded to Psalm 101 (featured at the top) which spoke to something deep within me. The subject of the psalm was needed because I’m doing my darndest to live out my life how God desires. It is as though Adonai saw my weariness and chose that moment, when I decided to rest in Him, to tell me He sees me.
Blinded by His light
Today, the sun finally broke through the clouds for the entire day as the previous few days have been dreary, cold and rainy. Hardly a touch of the sun. As I lay there in my bed, tucked under the covers, my eyes grew heavy but my hands clutched my heavy, hard back Bible. I began to pray silently and did so until I began to drift off to sleep. Suddenly, I found myself literally encapsulated in bright white light. At first I thought it was only a sun ray coming through my window, strong arming my eye lids, but it was so much more. It was that pure light one sees in their mind’s eye when they are in the presence of the Divine One. He heard my prayer earlier (to be brought into His midst) and complied.
What a humbling honor it is to be allowed to bask in the glory of the Almighty, one I am so unworthy of…!
Hearing His still, small voice
He spoke to me. I found myself smiling. I felt the weight of the world lifting from my mind, heart and body. I have been so heavy laden as of late, this He knew. He reminded me of an email I was led to write to someone a couple of days ago, something I knew was of the Holy Spirit and not me. There was a particular part He brought to mind and then explained better to me; it meant exactly what was stated but I didn’t catch it as I was writing it, I just knew it was true. But, I understood what my LORD was saying: this particular person’s place in my life has passed. There is nothing holding me to this person, not even Adonai is holding a place in my life for them. That moment came with a tremendous release; I pray He shares the message with the intended recipient.
I basked in that Light a little longer and finally drifted off into a short, albeit sweet, slumber.
In the end…
Psalm 101 being put before me was Adonai’s way of telling me He sees me. Adonai knows my heart is purely for Him. I aspire to be one whom He can say this about: “…I look to the faithful of the land, so that they can be my companions; those who live lives of integrity can be servants of mine…“ One day, those who walk this path of integrity, in purity of heart – those with enough oil in our lamps to give light until the LORD comes to us, even when we are heavy laden and weary – will know the joy and thanksgiving in our spirits of being companions to Adonai, our God, and serving forever alongside our King, while praising his Holy, Holy name. What a beautiful thing this is!