Over the Thanksgiving holiday I was in Ohio visiting my mother for several days. Just prior to making the trip, I reconnected with someone from my past – to be more precise a person whom had loomed over my life that I’ve tried to leave behind. A person who, 5 years ago, caused me a great deal of heartache. After conversing, I hoped to finally face him for the first time – if for no other reason, to truly have closure. It is only through YHWH’s great mercy I’ve learned how not to fear facing personal giants.
I won’t go into detail on what happened back then, I will state that this person has practically stalked me since and it has shown me that he is both mentally and emotionally unstable. I have prayed for him continually over the years – I even prayed for the woman he left me for and claimed to have married, then left, as she struggled deeply with her own demons. I humbled myself to YHWH (God), never thinking of my own discomfort, to pray for them.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness was never not an option for me back then but it did take some doing. I had to work through a lot of anger against this man and YHWH (for reasons I won’t discuss). In fact, I even (unknowingly) rebelled against my Father in heaven after this season of life. Forgiveness. It needs to be continual and I believe that is part of the key to not having fear over our personal giants. David did not fear Goliath – no, he said this thing needs to be slain, picked up the smooth stone and took him down in one shot. Just like David, I understand that the weight behind the stone is the LORD.
If it weren’t for the grace and mercy poured out upon my very soul, through a real relationship with Yeshua (Jesus Christ) I would most likely have curled up in bed, in a pool of tears, eating junk food with all I’d been through with this person. Instead, I sat at the library writing of His power in and through me, while once again digging within to find forgiveness. A man whose cowardice (again) forced me to have mercy upon him instead of cursing his very name, as I read his words on my phone.
Same sin. Same city. Same excuses. Same lying spirit operating within him.
Here’s the irony: The night before, I begged my LORD to make His presence known as I planned to go face this person. I had also prayed on Thanksgiving morning for a clear sign of His presence as I was making the decision whether or not to meet him. Both mornings, as I set out on a walk with my dog, we came face to face with a herd of deer. (If you’re a reader of this blog you’ve witnessed how the LORD often communicates with me through deer.) This happened in a busy suburb – ironically, in the very town where YAH began using deer to show Himself to me back in 2015, as I used to live a mile away.
An army standing guard
On the morning of the meeting, as I began across the street for a walk, the deer’s presence was immediately made known: They were positioned upon a small embankment over the side of the road, and stood watching my barking dog and me, like an army posed for battle. Then, as we were heading back to my mother’s, we again ran into the herd as they grazed along a side street, about 30 feet away. They startled my dog and he tried desperately to reach them. As I held firm to his leash, the doe leading the herd began to approach us and I fell to the concrete sidewalk after tripping over both dog and leash. I sensed this was a message to me. The deer were not afraid – they were an unwavering united front against a threat.
This was YHWH showing me His ever presence, His protection, which is steadfast, unwavering – no matter what happens. After reading the message from this man stating he didn’t have the courage to meet me that day, I clearly understood that morning’s occurrence: I might fall momentarily but would get right back up and keep moving forward, just like the deer. They are always moving, always having to figure out how to face their giants, with grace.
I am deeply grateful that I can now, without doubt or hesitation, slam and permanently seal the door the enemy keeps slipping in through in attempt to weaken and trip me up. That I have been given an opportunity to see the truth of the matter, and didn’t dispel the voice of the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) in the back of my head warning me to be on alert. I can finally have peace in moving on and not looking back, praise Yeshua!
Thank you, my LORD, for your constant covering, protection, and allowing me to attain truth without being afraid of the outcome. You are so merciful and I PRAISE your mighty name! Amen.