Skip to content

The Crash Part 2 – Returning to My First Love


“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NASB)

Not that I ever left Him…
Returning to my first love indicates that I am choosing over and over again to hold tightly to the fringes of the garment worn by my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Yeshua HaMashiach. Holding on for dear life to the one who pulled me from the miry clay. Holding on to He who washed clean my dirty, dirty feet and took the mask from my face. I am holding on to The One who possesses a lovingkindness I had never known; who took me down into his Living Water and upon resurfacing, I was made new. The One who continually renews me day by day. There is NONE like Yeshua; he is as gentle as a dove yet as ferocious and protective as a lion over its pride!

Do you know Him?
Perhaps a more important question is, do you know His heart?

People are flawed, God is good

A book I recently read, published in the 1970s by an American Messianic Jewish religious scholar,** has confirmed something I have long suspected: No one will ever have the scriptures figured out. No one, past or present, has gotten their meaning 100% correct, save the original authors. No amount of translating them into the different Hebrew and Greek texts, no amount of breaking them down into proper exegesis, will ever produce an interpretation that pleases all people. Trust that they’ve been edited even by the scribes of old to slant them to one side or the other, even if ever so slightly. This does not make them less trustworthy it simply means that people are flawed. 

Learning this does not deter me from studying the entire Bible to have a deeper understanding, nor should it deter you. Instead, it makes me want to lean into Yeshua even more, especially in the world we live in with all of the social media theologians and backroad home groups who have no one to truly hold them accountable. However, this goes for any religious movement, anywhere. And, as with any religion or movement, the atmosphere can lean a little cult-like if people aren’t wise. 

While there were many things learned over these past five years, the most important to me is that I grew deeper into the Father, and have a new-found respect and understanding for Judaism, who my Savior was as a person, and the culture at the time in which he lived. All of this is important to truly understand the Bible and Yeshua’s words, and do so in context. Learning that God’s appointed times still have significance and all that encompasses, especially the Sabbath, has been such a rich and blessed addition to my faith walk. These are things that will travel with me, however, I will continue to allow the Spirit of the Living God to guide me in carrying them out. 

Checking the baggage at the door

Coming into this community was a shock after being part of some wonderful congregations; I questioned the LORD often, asking “why?” did He throw me into a lion’s den? Trust there are things I will not take with me, as I depart: The hostility or the judgment, the pride, and strange teachings, nor the obvious spirits of confusion and fear. I gladly leave the haughtiness, offense, and poor treatment of people at the door.

What breaks my heart the most is the amount of unhealed trauma permeating the hearts of so many, and how little is said about becoming whole. Being who I am in Him, my heart is always to help point (anyone) toward the Healer, and to walk with them through struggles. Mostly, people quickly turned away from an extended hand. (Not everyone!) 

All of this makes me extremely grateful that I had both overcome so much beforehand and had my identity and trust firmly planted in Yahweh before he sent me on this journey. Identity in Him is of the utmost importance, brethren! Yes, He sent me down this path. I am certain there are reasons I am not yet aware of. Perhaps it was for my growth, or a test of my faith; perhaps there were people along the way I was meant to touch with Spirit and Truth. Only Yahweh knows the whole of it and I am good with that. He did bring a few really beautiful friendships into fruition; people who have helped keep my arms lifted over the past two years! (You know who you are and how grateful I am to walk this walk with you.)

Am I going the wrong way?

One thing I am trepidatious about is transitioning back into a Sunday church. I have sought His face and heart over this for a long time and conclude it is part of the plan. Will I go back to being as immersed as I once was? Time will tell. Will I go back to Christmas and Easter? No! (Emphatically stated.) Will I allow myself to be used by Him in any way he sees fit along the way? Absolutely. Will I speak up over things I know are being mis-taught? If I am so led, it will be done Biblically and respectfully. Will people think I am strange and try to change my mind? Probably but that is my normal! 😉 

The LORD is so good to have helped make this easy for me and shone a light on where I am to start attending when the time is right. I am watching messages online so I can see what I’ll be walking into and how far away I am from what is being taught, to prepare myself spiritually. The congregation has discussions about the appointed times, and the meaning of Purim. It also seems they do not preach replacement theology, and they openly love and support Israel which is a positive. I will know in the first few in-person visits if I am supposed to be there or not, as He has never allowed me to continue attending a church that isn’t in his plan. 

This is very much outside of my comfort zone so I’ll be praying diligently for what is to come. But I can assure you that regardless of the outcome my Savior will always win! My hope for all is they too will decide to follow Yeshua. Or, return to their first love. Amen!

**I am not divulging the author or book title because I am shown it is not wise. 

Friends, if you are in a place where you know you are supposed to walk away from a religious community, please know you are not alone! If you need to talk it through or would like prayer, please reach out to me! You can contact me –> here <– and I’ll get back to you as quickly as I am able. Never forget that you are loved and seen! 

Read Part 1 

If you are clueless about what I am discussing and curious but do not want to dive into a Bible study, this is the best video I have come across to date. It is a sweet conversation between a Christian and a truly believing Messianic Jewish rabbi (he’s based in Ohio, but I have no clue who the host is) which sheds light on the topic, clearly and positively. (Also Ben Shapiro is pictured but not spoken of so I believe using his image was clickbait): 
Click here to watch



Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.