“Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee I do wait all the day.” Psalm 25:4,5)
Waiting on the Lord. This is not a task that many people do well, in fact, it is a practice one must make perfect. It takes an immense amount of trust, faith and perseverance in seeking Him, in and through all things. If a person is not walking with Christ Jesus, it is impossible to understand this notion; the world does not wait–it rallys ahead on it’s own accord, with nothing to lean upon. This is dangerous! I know, I lived there for most of my life and walked a fine line, too many times.
As I have come to trust the Lord Jesus the one aspect of my life I knew I had to completely turn over to him, before anything else, was my past; namely my relationships with men. There were many…too many. The soul ties I’ve had to break with the ghosts of relationships past weren’t always easy, rather necessary. A soul tie with the opposite sex is developed when you’ve shared intimacy, even just a kiss. It could have also been someone you’d had an unhealthy or inappropriate emotional intimacy with. I’ve experienced it all. Learning how to break old habits was a huge walk out. The biggest being the emotional crutch I may have used when my needs weren’t being met in a relationship or someone had hurt my heart.
A couple of years ago, during a Spirit filled moment of emotional vs. spiritual struggle, God made it abundantly clear to me how necessary this step was to take: It was explained to me that if I ever wanted to get married, I needed to stop depending on the men whom were vulnerable to me, and solely lean on the Lord in my moments of need. For if I were blessed with a husband, those men could not be in my life. Period. I had to let go of relationships that I didn’t not want to, in order for God to trust me enough to place that person in my life. It was not easy but with His help, I was able. I have cleaned out my closet, so to speak, of all the men from my past with whom I’d had any intimacy with whatsoever (i’m not talking about strictly platonic friends). The final one came around, I believe, as a test of my will, my walk and my understanding. When I resisted, knowing he was not the one God had for me, it felt amazing!
Shedding old habits is an amazing victory on the road to peace and spiritual well-being. The first bad habit I rid myself of, even before I recommitted my life to Christ, was sex outside of marriage. Unbeknownst to me, this was a Spirit led decision; one that I’d needed to make for a long time. Choosing celibacy after a devastating break up in 2008 was a no-brainer. There was a lot behind it, mostly emotional; having the revelation that this was a root cause of many destructive behaviors in my life, was life-changing.
In hindsight, there is no doubt in my mind this was one of a multitude of instances God used to draw me back into the safety of His arms. I just didn’t realize it was Him working in my life, as I no longer recognized Him…I was too far gone, down my own path of resistance.
Celibacy: Explaining my decision to people felt as though I had contracted a life-threatening disease, with the reactions received. It didn’t frustrate me, it made me sad that more of my single friends (especially my female friends) weren’t hearing my words; they couldn’t receive the important message I had for them, that God had for them. It is just not fathomable in today’s society that a person who’d had sex, would want to give it up. Not only did I want to, I had to! My life depended upon my ability to successfully carry this out. Otherwise, I would be stuck in the same pattern of insanity that I had been circumventing for far too long.
No, I was not insane but my habits and behaviors made me feel as such at times…
Today just so happens to be International Women’s Day. Honestly, I don’t really know what that means but if I had to give definition to it, would want it to be a day where women everywhere were told the truth. The TRUTH! For the biggest fallacy women are led into about love, marriage and sex is that it’s okay to have one without the other. Sex between two people was a gift God gave us to 1) cleave a husband and wife to one another and 2) a way to procreate.
Ladies (and gentlemen) here is the TRUTH I offer you, out of love – whether you are a Christian or not – I urge you to mediate upon this:
Sex was never meant to be used as a means to keep a man who is not your husband, interested in you. Nor was it meant to be taken from you before you are ready. Sex bonds your spirit to that of another therefore you end up unintentionally tied to a person you may never want to see again. Understand, you’ll never be able to forget him due to your indiscretion. Virginity, in God’s eyes is a gift to a woman’s husband, and vice versus, in order to bond a husband and wife; it’s meant to be special (in some instances this is spiritual virginity after choosing celibacy). The world tells you otherwise but if you think about it, you’ll realize that every man you may have let touch you, who is not your husband, left you feeling an empty void.
Instead of just giving yourself: physically, emotionally…fully, to a man (or woman), take some tried and true advice: Wait! Even if you’ve been having intercourse for 20 years: be a lady, and wait! Wait for the man (or woman) who deserves you; the man who will wait along with you. Wait, and see how differently you begin to see and treat yourself; the level of respect you begin to demand others have for you. Love yourself enough to become a lady in waiting…the rewards you’ll receive, are great.