Perhaps it is fitting that that which is to unfold in this space, is taking fruition at the time and under the weather conditions it is. Not being a person who believes in coincidences, rather that God’s hand is in all aspects of our lives, down to the most minuscule detail, helps. Such as the fact that, after an already restless night, one finds themselves wrangling with words escaping their brain (which should be quiet) at 4:30 a.m. How the rain that had been being held captive by the clouds the previous day, finally found the key to freedom. Bigger even, having a true epiphany in regard to God’s hand in our lives, and how “ready or not” He can blow in, out of nowhere, when least expected.
My life has been full of these “hand of God” moments since last summer. They seemingly began while I was on a much-needed 9-day reprieve from everyday life. I felt His presence mightily during that trip and have been both tried and blessed, since. The trials were not bad things happening, rather His showing me how to trust him more, through things I didn’t necessarily understand at the moment, but came to soon enough. His voice, His precision, has become clearer.
There has been an avalanche in my life. Such movement has brought on an obedience and a level of submission like none I could have anticipated but am better for. I have learned this: God’s hand IS outside the box thinking. Believers and followers of Christ Jesus should never, ever, attempt to foresee where the paths He sets us down will lead, at least not the actual destination. For if we do, well, let’s just say…we simply just need to keep the path clear of our own desires. His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than ours and this scripture should be greatly revered.
Isaiah 55:8,9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (KJV)
We just never truly know…anything!
Especially over the past four months, the ways in which God has moved me around and spoken in and through me, had been nothing short of mind-blowing. From taking away and giving back, He has shown me who is on the throne. Insight provided to me on life events, old fears and what is ahead, keeps me in complete and utter awe of Him. Reminding me just how much He loves and desires for me to be made whole through holiness (being righteous, not self-righteous; trusting him in all areas of my life; abandoning my flesh in order to carry out His purpose while at the same time being blessed) and to know and experience His love, in tangible ways.
Allow me to briefly share some testimony from my life on His provision where none was expected:
1) After years of questioning myself and more recently, God, on why I had developed such a strong case of performance anxiety when singing before an audience. He not only gave me an opportunity to be in accord with Him on stage back in December, soon after He finally answered my question. Did I expect the answer? Hardly! What God whispered tenderly in my ear one night was that it was time for me to come outside of the box. He gifted me with a beautiful voice yes, for His pleasure, but also for that of others. However, I have spent most of my life a) hidden in a choir and b) having to fit the ideal of someone else and not allowing the artist I am, freedom to create. These actualities were strange but made complete sense!
Upon pondering the latter statement, I realized this: The moment I open my mouth as a soloist, stepping out from the choir, as opposed to the singer I am any other time, I am afraid I won’t live up to someone else’s expectations of what a piece should sound like as opposed to what it could, if I were given artistic license to breathe my own life into it. I had also set my own personal standards so hight, I cave under the pressure of what I KNOW I am capable of, as opposed to what I’ll allow others to hear. This issue I believe will take some work to resolve. However, the former, I already know is like a rodeo bull waiting to thrust through the gate and into the arena, it’s just having the proper fellow musical artists with whom to explore. Foreshadowing tells me that once I have one, the other will come on its own…
2) GOD ORDAINED : LOVE : MARRIAGE To be frank, this is the one aspect of my live that I had completely walked away from. I resolved it to God in order to steer clear of the torment is often caused my tender heart. There were many, many lessons to be learned through this decision, some of which I needed to get right several times over before God let it transpire.
It has been my good fortune to bear witness to some crazy love stories leading to lasting marriages (some among Christians, others not) to understand that I was being shown what could be. My track record with relationships definitely stinks so having these examples put before me, well, seeing is believing as they say. It gave me hope where there once was none! It’s been both frustrating and enlightening at once. There has also been a reason as He never allows things to take place in your life, without lesson.
Having truly thrown in the towel on the concept of marriage occurring anytime soon…for a woman who will soon turn 40…I came to a place of true peace about it. But, alas, all that fasting for a husband I did several years ago, actually worked; it just took a while for God to reveal the results. Yet another confirmation that God’s hand IS outside of the box…allow me to elaborate: The man God has for me, he began giving me inkling of over a year ago (what he might be like and where I would find him in a sense). It was not ideal rather somewhat ironic, the seed planted. So much so that I made a little personal joke about it with myself and a close friend. I just thought it highly unlikely! But He is God…
How God went about putting this man before me was very modern if I must say so myself: via Facebook. What attracted this man to me…is purely God! I initially noticed him in ways that were God-like as well for I admired his own creativity. But what really drew my attention to him was a statement he made that was so vulnerable, for a man, that I could feel his heart from half a country away. That is when I started to pray for him and that is how God opened me up to him; how He orchestrated what was eventually revealed to me: I was ministering to my husband.
I immediately recognized this man was going to be a tough nut to crack! Thankfully, God is good, faithful and ever-present, especially when he’s trying to complete a circle of life! It took quite a bit of time and a lot of patience, but God prevailed and he slowly started to open his heart to me. How did this turn out you may wonder? Well in my recent blog post “Damascus Road Moments” you can catch a small glimpse into what this all looked like along the way (and then at the end, read further to see what he reveals).
We aren’t “married” yet but we have jointly accept God’s plan for us (and thankfully God has provided him with the appropriate confirmation) and as he puts it, “the great things we will do together for the Kingdom.” We are excited, eager and definitely blessed by the love God has for us, and has imparted greatly into our hearts and spirits for one another.
Oh, not-coincidentally, he fits the exact description of the person God murmured into my ear regarding my future husband: he was to be from my hometown and a little bit country!
As I always say, God will never be put in a box because he cannot be contained! I’ve now thrown “being realistic” out the door in lieu of “the reality of God.”