Thy Will Be Done
Driving away from Stillmeadows into the night, I noticed a striking cloud pattern overhead. It was almost like the stripes of a tiger, in black and white (or midnight blue and white, sort of difficult to discern from 30,000 feet below) encircled in darkness. I was so taken by it I stopped at one point on a long country road to stare at it for a moment. It was a little prophetic, this sky with its dark entwined with light. It was as though God was setting the tone for the long drive ahead, between this and His “ironic” choice of songs on the local Christian radio stations. Intimate time with God, always leads to something interesting!
Two songs in particular kept playing over and over; one a song rarely heard and the other I’d never heard, but someone had asked me find and listen to it, a month or so prior. The first time I heard and realized what the song was, I had caught it in the middle and half listened, for it caught me off guard…
As I drove on, I somberly realized that the morning would bring with it a first wedding anniversary, my first wedding anniversary. That particular song was one the man I am married to mentioned in a note he’d left for me a bit over month ago.
The other song was one God gave to me one day while driving as I was in prayer for him. The two songs, in contrast, say a lot about he and I individually. His song is sad, almost depressing, like giving up. Mine – strong and decisive, proactive. I’m not sure what God purposed this for other than to let me actually feel what I needed to feel as I faced that day, one that should have been joyful and celebratory, in complete honesty with myself. I didn’t want to cry because the salt from my tears would muck up my contact lenses and that is not a good thing while driving, but I did. A little. More importantly, I invited my Lord and friend, Jesus, into the emotion and had a conversation with Him. I found much comfort and peace there but my heart has been heavy these past few days…
Today, He wanted to show me, His will be done by holding me captive until he worked in and through me, to bring Him glory!
If We’re Honest
I woke up this morning just feeling blah! I prayed and prayed for an answer to this; what God did was run those song lyrics through my mind. Not at all what I wanted to be thinking about! I realized He was trying to work stuff out that I may have neglected to work out with the Lord. As I sat eating breakfast, I really wanted to change the “channel” and focus on something else; something positive. I opened up the podcast for “In Touch”, Dr. Charles Stanley’s ministry. I guess God was reading my mind. I had been trying not to think about the differences between the man I am married to and myself…but instead he answered my unspoken question with a sermon on Conviction.
I live by personal convictions, which I have taken from the Word of God, because I have faith in it:
“And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment…” (John 16:8)
Due to this, my marriage was under spiritual attack from the beginning; I was under attack for holding tightly to my convictions. I felt like King David in Psalm 38, especially verse 12, “They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long.” In his sermon, Dr. Stanley reconfirmed what God had confirmed several times before, across the many months wrestling with what ailed the marriage: “What convictions do you have that you will absolutely not deny, that you will not give up; you will not surrender them? You will not compromise them in any way. It’s part of who you are. It’s deep inside. It’s there because God has done something awesome in your life and you’re not about to compromise that under any condition.” he stated. “Having convictions,” Dr. Stanley continued, “means you are thoroughly convinced that something is absolutely true, that you’d take a stand for it regardless of the consequences. You should have a conviction about the Word of God…and your relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ. Convictions are solid, straight lines…Do you live by preferences (personal desires) or convictions?”
If we’re being honest, I’ve chosen to stand with Jesus and what pleases Him, instead of giving up all that God has done in my life. I will not be moved!