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Did God Intend to Change Me? (Part 2)


Part 2: A Mother’s Love – Reconciliation Through His Love

“And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.” (Matthew 19:29)

Recent life events have brought to surface emotional bondage that I had given to the Lord in the past, hoping that by reconciling it all to him, there would be healing. That which has resurfaced is due to the person it involves and their issues; however, due to the close nature of our relationship such problems they encounter end up affecting me adversely. I also made a wrong turn in choosing to help them this time around. Thus damaging the work that the Lord began in me, where this relationship and the underlying roots are concerned.

There are a lot of teachings about a lack of a “Father’s love” out there but few regarding a lack of a “Mother’s love”, and how it negatively affects young children and adult children. It is important that we understand, just as we lose something when our father’s do not father us, we lose something equally as important – yet different – when our mother’s do not, or are unable to, properly mother us. This is a loss we must mourn appropriately, while giving it to God and allowing His love to return what was lost.

This is a topic I feel some are afraid to address (it’s a momma for goodness sake!) and maybe God will use the experience I have with my own mother – whom I love dearly, but have to love a bit differently than most are able to love their mother’s – and what God has shown me about myself due to this lately. No, it is not something I liked learning, yet was necessary for the Lord to be able to draw it out, and un-assemble.

Please keep in mind: I have been contending with this, while also mourning a failed marriage. God has done a gentle washing over me, thankfully. Again the question I ask as He leads me through each situation is: Did God intend to change me?

I wrote a bit on this topic recently (see “Freedom From Familial Iniquity”) and it was wroth with emotion. Writing from that place is not comfortable for me because I have worked very hard not to let my emotions control me; being vulnerable is something I’m not opposed to, therefore it lent itself in that moment. Alas, the truth behind all of this: the parenting of a parent and all that comes along with that, including what one loses out on, can build up (internally) over time. And if not worked through, that which lies beneath the surface may eventually cause a hardened heart!

If this were the only issue in my life I’d had to contend with in the past 12 months, I may not have gotten to this point, emotionally and spiritually. I often seek Romans 8:28 when unexpected issues arise, “We know that all things work together for good to them who are called according to his purpose”, today I’ll add in Romans 8:29 for good measure because it proves what will eventually be my point of reference, “For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son…”

Trusting, of course, God knows what he is doing!

Yes, even when it hurts us or others, God has a plan. Especially when stuff stretches us way out of our comfort zone, God can and will use it. Why? Because IF we are actually living a life according to His word (the Holy Bible) every fiery trial we endure will be a release, unto joy:

“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.” (James 1:2-3 KJV)

Thus, refining us and enabling us to sustain this life in Christ, and Christ in us; redefining who we are, to resemble Him more and more, but only if we do it God’s way and not in our own will.


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