“Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, for in You my soul takes refuge.
In the shadow of Your wings I take refuge, until destruction passes by.
I will cry out to El Elyon, to God who accomplishes it for me.
He will send from heaven and save me.” (Psalm 57:3-4 TLV)
Truth: The Father has graciously saved me from going down beneath so much over the past 12 months. Through hell and high water, He continually covers and urges me to take refuge beneath the shadow of His mighty and loving wings. The Lord is my refuge, the hiding place of my soul…
Missing my mom
It has been 5 months since my mother passed away and our gracious Abba has been ever present, even in what often seems like His silence to my ears. Grief has come and gone but of course there are still moments of deep sorrow. I allow the tears, feel the heartache, and then send my thoughts to heaven for the comfort, peace, only my Savior can pour out over me. I have been grieving her passing quite a bit over this past week. Fresh waves of emotion have swept over me. I miss her. I wish she weren’t gone. But I know that The Father had the timing of her passing planned long before it occurred.
I feel so much that I cannot share with her, over the circumstances surrounding the timing of her death; however, He reminds me that I did warn her…she chose not to listen. And, again, that was all part of His hand in our lives. Regardless, at times, it is still hard to accept. We still do not know Mom’s actual cause of death but I should find out soon. I was told the blood work has been received by the medical examiner but he’s been out of the office so I simply keep waiting. I am fine not knowing but family and friends continue to inquire. I guess knowing will answer any questions left in my mind and I can truly lay her to rest in my heart.
Ask and ye shall receive
As I mentioned in a past series of posts, I knew there was going to be a lot dredged up in my heart and soul after losing Mom. Ask and you shall receive…I asked for it all to be brought forth and Abba has complied; He has held tightly to my hand as I released so much stuff. And, just when I think I’ve been emptied out I am shown another area of my life that needs to be addressed and worked through, in her regard. This happened a couple of days ago as I sat to write about childhood pets, yet it ended up looking like grief I never knew how to allow while examining things my young mind didn’t really understand. Seeing it all written out before me accomplished finding satisfaction (for lack of a better word) that my questions and unrest over the treatment of our pets was quite valid.
By immediately working through what came to the surface, I was able to grieve it and find peace all in one clean swoop. “Our temporary minor problems are producing an eternal stockpile of glory for us that is beyond all comparison. We don’t focus on the things that can be seen but on the things that can’t be seen. The things that can be seen don’t last, but the things that can’t be seen are eternal.” (2 Cor 4:17-18)
Praising His name
Since initially working through the physical pain I was enduring, in the spirit and with Yeshua, I have received a great deal of healing all around. The agonizing pain I endured for months is now a mere shadow of what it was; no longer a level 10+, constant 24/7 issue, rather an occasional one if I’ve sat for too long or my hormones are working overtime. That is inflammation of the nerves. Outside of this aggravated nerve, mental fatigue and issues with my left foot and ankle are really the only things I deal with now. I’ve seen a neurosurgeon (they didn’t recommend surgery at this time, thankfully) and I have been going to physical therapy twice a week.
Unfortunately, they now believe I have an issue with neuro-pathway blockage in that leg/foot. I suspected this before they said it out loud simply because 3 left toes are still kind of “frozen” and my ankle was swelling up for no seen reason. My left leg – more so the left hip – is also still very weak so we began working to strengthen it this week at PT. I trust that The Father has this under control and is working to heal it, in His perfect timing. (I do have other things going on that are mostly annoying but I’m trying to stay focused on healing so I can move forward.) I am PRAISING His holy name: I am walking, sleeping and feeling so much better!
I do covet and thank you for any prayers sent up to Abba’s ears, in all I’ve shared. My specific prayer at this time: that The Father will open and make apparent the doors I am to step through going forward, and His provision continues to rain down to help me along as I take this season literally step-by-step.
I leave you now, friends, with gratitude for your presence. You are loved and appreciated, thank you and Shalom!