Yea Though I Walk Through the Valley of The Shadow of Death Part 2

After reading the first installment of ‘Yea Though I Walk Through the Valley of The Shadow of Death‘, it actually made little sense to me, as to why the Holy Spirit would go in that direction. The anti-Messiah spirit that I was shown was prevalent in my life far beyond fellowship; it dominated my family. It took hold of my immediate family and squeezed the life right out of them. So much has happened in my life in the past 7 months I didn’t even know where to begin, but Adonai our God, King of the Universe took me into our quiet place and the following is what He asked me to share…

A breech in the wall

Over the course of our lives, many times there are things that occur which are traumatizing to our soul.  When trauma goes untended to, it then cause a breech in our spirit – the very spirit which we receive from God when he creates us in the heavenlies, fashions us in our mother’s womb, then breathes His breath into us to bring us into physical existence. Picture it like a slow breech in a wall that is surrounded by water: at first it’s not noticeable, maybe allowing in a few drops of water at a time. After a little more time passes the breech causes a lot of stress in the material around it and it begins to weaken. This causes the breech to widen and more and more water to enter, until finally the breech bursts at the seams. When we have a breech in our spirit it can lead to death, both literal and figurative. Why? Because anything that causes a separation from God is considered sin in His eyes.

I need to go back to April of 2022, during a visit with my mom. My sister was there helping her after minor surgery – I drove up from Tennessee to relieve her for the weekend. In the weeks prior too, Mom began to behave in a very hurtful way toward me. She was also accusing me, when I’d ask her to examine what she was saying, of being jealous of my sister. There was and never has been an ounce of truth to this. The behavior continued to the point of my bringing it to my sister’s attention so she was aware. The behavior persisted to the moment I arrived at Mom’s home; righteous anger boiled up within me and the hurt came out verbally. She kept denying she was doing anything wrong. (This was always the case with her.) While she did apologize it was not an acknowledgement rather her trying to appease me so I’d stop being angry.

What I did not realize: the hurt I felt was not actually dealt with, rather swept under a rug and left there to collect dirt. Truth be told, I had a lifetime of dirt collecting beneath that proverbial rug in my mother’s regard. It wasn’t until recently, while in prayer and fasting, that Yahweh revealed how this singular incident was a breech in the walled dam of pain in regard to my mothers treatment of me, over my lifetime.

The slow trickle

Soon after this incident I noticed some strange things happening in my body. I began having tremors in my hands and full body spasms at night, especially in my legs. I would awake with numb, tingling arms and hands. After that hard fall on the boulder (see part 1) I was having issues with minor pain in that area. So, naturally, I assumed it was all related. But the tremors worsened as did the brain fog. Then, I fell down a set of stairs, sliding down on my back and bumping the base of my head as I went. There were just too many falls, this wasn’t normal. I knew what I knew: There was a heavy spiritual attack on my life.

Fast forward to mid-September 2022: By the time I went to Ohio to help my mom move, the physical issues had worsened. I told her well in advance that I could not lift anything heavy and definitely could not load all her stuff alone. I won’t give all the details but this was disregarded and I ended up doing it, with the exception of about an hours worth of moving help because that’s all she had packed by then. Not only did I end up loading but also unloading the van’s contents into her storage unit. During this time I was exhausted, incredibly stressed out and upset with my mom, once again, because she didn’t seem to be able to make a solid good decision and everything landed on my shoulders…adding to the dirt collecting under the rug.

Once I got into the tent in early October, the peace, quiet, and alone time was not only needed but necessary. However, what I also noticed was my body hurting in new ways.

The walls, compromised

Once I was settled in a bit at my new home, I decided to try connecting with locals and joined a Facebook group that met up for lunch once a week. During the lunch I attended, I suddenly lost use of my left arm and hand. That was a pretty scary moment but I didn’t allow it to manifest; instead, I silently prayed and went on with my day. That particular issue did subside but afterward the tremors (which weren’t very noticeable) increased and I began to have issues with my left leg. I had landed a job that involved sitting all day but when I was to start training my ability to sit, for more than a couple of hours at a time, became a painful ordeal. This led to the hard decision to turn down the job.

From that point on my physical condition continued to deteriorate. I put myself back on the supplements I found after having C-19 that helped me function and after a few weeks the tremors were lessening. But the spasms and cramps in my legs were no fun and I was having issues simply getting through each day. This was, to say the least, a very scary time where leaning on Yeshua was imperative!

Read Part 1
Part 3 coming soon…